The whole purpose to life is to do what? I don’t know! But my whole life, I’ve had the purpose to do something big, like really big. I want to be someone that will be known by a number of people, someone that inspires, someone that defends, or someone that entertains. This want and this need to feed the world with my presence has set me up for a life filled with ambition and disappointment.
Ambition is something that doesn’t just go away. Now that I am currently faced with reality and have hit many bumps in the road, my ambitious vision of life is getting harder and harder to achieve. I have had to take a step back and open my mind to the possibility that I have no idea how to accomplish my goals. Every plan I’ve set up for myself has quickly unraveled when it was just getting started. I am always trying to make a new plan to try to achieve grand ideas in the quickest way possible. As a result of a mixture of bad luck and plain old reality… I find myself pondering the meaning of life like so many other writers, poets, college students, musicians, and stoners before me have done.
Maybe fame, or causing change isn’t all its cracked up to be. Maybe I have a skewed view of the whole notion of world change and positive impact… maybe I really am naive. Either way, it has led me to curl up into a big ball of confusion. I am currently re-planning and re-tackling every idea of how to get to wherever it is I want to be at the end of my life. My ambition is boiling inside me with no job, no project, no lover, and no recipe for it to concoct into a delicious fulfilling soup. (Just go with these metaphors… now that I’ve graduated college and do not need to write like a journalist anymore, it is fun to go a little crazy) I need something to unload my ideals and my philosophical realizations onto.
That is what this blog is for! And hopefully… Just maybe… I’ll be able to create a spark. A spark that will burn and engorge into a bright path that I can walk down. If the first spark I’ve created is curiosity, feed the fire and follow me. =)